The Prodigal Daughter | Magdala Testimony

*This is a fictional story/meditation written a few years ago in prayer, and has recently been revisited and discerned to share.

With shame, secrets, and lies weighing heavy on my heart, I feel completely depleted. I hide these shameful parts of myself from everyone I love because I’m afraid if I reveal the real me, they would abandon, reject, and forfeit their love for me. 

I even hide from my Heavenly Father. 

I am exhausted and have nothing more to give; no reason to keep living, no hope for my future. I am depressed, lonely, and miserable. 

Then one day, at my lowest, I think to myself, “I have nothing left to lose. Why don’t I just try going to the Father? If He rejects me it won’t hurt because I have been running from Him for so long, and that’s what I deserve.”

With my shoulders slumped I start walking home. I begin planning what I’m going to do after my Father rejects me and tells me to get away from Him. The only option I can think of is my life ending. As I am thinking this, I hear footsteps coming towards me. The footsteps keep getting louder and faster. I’m afraid to look up, but something in my heart tells me to lift my head. 

I recognize the Man running towards me as my Father. I stop, paralyzed by fear. He must be running to scold me and tell me to come no closer. But as He gets closer, I don’t see a face of anger—I see pure joy. This confuses me. As He finally gets to me He opens His arms in a welcoming embrace. 

For a moment I am stiff in His arms, but it doesn’t take long for me to become overwhelmed by the love coming from Him. I collapse to the ground. My face is soaked with tears. He stoops down and brings me back to my feet. With His hands holding mine, He looks directly and intently into my eyes and says gently, “Welcome! I have been patiently waiting for you!” 

My only response is tears and His look of love is so intense that I look away. He petitions, “Please, receive my love for you!” I take a deep breath, trying to muster up the courage to look back into His eyes. When I finally do, I say, “Thank you for welcoming me home. I want to be honest and tell you all I have done and the secrets I have kept.” 

His response shocks me. “But first, we must go to the feast!” 

I start shaking my head and refusing. I don’t deserve this. He grabs my hand, walks next to me, and guides me to the feast. 

Not only is there an array of food, but every single person I have ever loved is there. There’s music in the background and people dancing and chatting off to the side. We walk to the table. He clings a glass to get everyone’s attention, tells them to take a seat and says, “Today we are feasting because my beloved daughter has returned home. Let’s celebrate together to show our love for her.” Everyone cheers and we begin to eat and enjoy all the delicious food. 

As I look around the table, there seems to be hundreds of people. I think to myself, “How can all these people love me? I have lied to so many and have not been authentic.” 

Then, as if He can read my thoughts, He turns to me and says, “They don’t have to know every part of you to be able to love you. The only one who knows everything and deserves to know is Me. You think you have ruined your life by running and hiding from Me for so long. But I tell you, your life is just beginning. I will give you a new life and a freedom like you have never known. You will be a confident woman because you have found faith, hope, and love in Me.”

After He finishes, He grabs my hand and we walk away from the feast. Off in the distance there is a tree. When we get to the tree we sit down in its shade. I feel a nervousness welling up inside me, but then I hear the music and chatting from the feast, reminding me of the love I feel for Him. This gives me enough courage to look into His eyes. 

Suddenly, the nervousness disappears—I know what I need to do. I begin to list all the things I have done, everything I am sorry for and all the secrets I have kept. 

After finishing, I take a huge sigh of relief. I feel like a ton of bricks have been lifted from my shoulders. I look into His eyes and am shocked again to see Him smiling. 

I thought He would be frowning with a look of disappointment and embarrassment. I ask Him why He is smiling and He responds with a slight laugh and says, “I am smiling because I love you, and I have always loved you. And I am smiling because you are finally trusting Me to share all your hurts and secrets. 

I know at times I seem distant, but I am always right beside you. I have never backed away in embarrassment, disappointment, or disgust. I am so happy you came home!” 

With tears in my eyes, I throw myself into His arms. He holds me and for the first time in my life I feel the peace and happiness He has always been waiting to give me. We stand up and walk back to the feast in a joyful silence.