A Different Side of Submission
My husband and I were blessed to have a Traditional Latin Wedding Mass, beautifully celebrated by my brother-in-law. I did not grow up regularly exposed to the Latin Rite, but have come to really appreciate it as an adult. Readings for a nuptial Latin Mass are pre-selected, and part of me was resistant when I discovered that good ‘ole Ephesians 5:22-33 would be our epistle reading—no if’s, and’s, or but’s. But as I’ve dived into the breadth of what the Church teaches about submission—from the Pauline epistles to trusted saints like John Paul II and Edith Stein—I’ve viewed Ephesians 5, including its presence in our wedding Mass, with a lot more gratitude.
“Submission” has reemerged as a cultural buzzword within Catholic circles, charged with a lot of associations that are far more cultural than scriptural or doctrinal. Nevertheless, Paul’s instruction in Ephesians 5 remains, and it’s easy to get caught up in what the practical applications of that instruction look like. I’ve wrestled with what these practical applications look like myself: does it mean my husband’s opinion wins in everything? Does it mean if I see him as the leader of our family, all my leadership qualities go out the window or worse, are harmful to us? Some would say so, and I’ve certainly received those opinions. I’ve also encountered many stories where “submission” and its use in Scripture are used to justify controlling, even abusive behavior.
Shelby recently wrote a blog post talking about submission’s practical application in the journey of recovery; as she wisely pointed out, the primary purpose of submission is to give ourselves over completely to God’s will in trust, which applies to men and women alike. She also pointed out how natural submission—ordered to the good—is to the heart of women in the form of openness: we possess a unique and beautiful ability to receive. This natural ability can be abused, and has been countless times throughout history, but it’s also the very place that woman becomes the image of Christ’s Church: a receptive bride open to grace and life from her Bridegroom, so she can then pour life out to the world; a reality that makes abuse all the more tragic.
I find this is often what’s missing in a lot of modern conversations around “submission” and Ephesians 5—they’re lacking the tie to Christology and ecclesiology that give Paul’s passage its meaning. This metaphorical tie also offers clarity so abuse can never be condoned. Often when people try to justify dominating or controlling behavior, they place their entire focus on the verse instructing women to submit and toss the rest of the passage to the wayside. Rather, the verse must be situated in its entirety to reveal its true purpose: to showcase how husbands and wives can uniquely image Christ and His Church. If we look at Ephesians 5:22-25, we see this clearly:
“Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” (RSVCE)
To understand this instruction without it becoming predominantly prescriptive, we must reflect on Christ’s love for the Church.
The relationship between Christ and His Church is one of love, sacrifice, reception, and reciprocal gift. Christ does not subject His Church to Himself out of a need to dominate, and the Church doesn’t submit out of passivity. Rather, the Church submits in trust, and Christ uses His authority only to love and pour life into His Church. The Latin roots of the word “submission” show us it means to be “under the mission”—namely, the mission of Christ to love His Bride and bring her into perfect communion with that love. This idea of submission is deeply rooted in the Christological/ecclesiological view of Ephesians 5 we talked about earlier; whether it’s the Church to Christ or a wife to her husband, we don’t submit for its own sake.
This is perhaps one place where more modern saints differ from past rhetoric on submission— they don’t necessarily agree that women are made to submit because submission is not a virtue in and of itself. But across the board, is there agreement we were made to commune in total beatitude with our Savior, receiving His life for all eternity, necessitating receptivity? Absolutely.
While the approach that submission is within women’s nature is valid and held by certain Church Fathers and many popes, I have found a lot of consolation in the words of both St. John Paul II and St. Edith Stein in my own understanding and application of submission. As in several other topics, their philosophical thoughts are quite congruent and offer a different perspective on submission that is in line with St. Paul’s words, but I believe they expand upon them.
In Mulieris Dignitatem, John Paul II relies heavily on the verse directly preceding St. Paul’s instructions to spouses in Ephesians 5:
“Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
In John Paul’s view, “All the reasons in favor of the ‘subjection’ of woman to man in marriage must be understood in the sense of a ‘mutual subjection’ of both ‘out of reverence for Christ’” (MD 24). Essentially, he is posing that any submission of woman must first be under a higher order: a mutual submission of man and woman to one another as dignified, equal human beings, each made in the image and likeness of God. Only when this mutual love and reverence is established can any receptivity from women be enacted in the spirit St. Paul intended: of the communion between Christ and His Church.
Edith Stein, for her part, wrote of submission as a result of the Fall, not the ideal of Eden. In her lecture “On the Separate Vocations of Man and Woman According to Nature and Grace,” she doesn’t repudiate the reality of submission, but rather places it in context:
“After their Fall, the relationship between them [man and woman] is transformed from a pure partnership of love to a relationship of sovereignty and subordination and is distorted by concupiscence. The difficult struggle for existence is allocated primarily to man and the hardship of childbirth to woman. But a promise of redemption is present inasmuch as the woman is charged with the battle against evil; the male sex is to be exalted by the coming of the Son of God. The redemption will restore the original order” (23).
To both Edith Stein and John Paul II, the ideal—and the reality we live in under the redemption of Christ—is the order of love, which now is imaged in the complete and self-donating love Christ has for His Church and His Church receives from Him in freedom. This expands our understanding of submission far beyond the common conversations on whose opinion has the final say or what external roles men and women can take inside and outside the home. Those discussions—especially when done with care and discernment between a couple on how they can best love one another—can be important, but in public discourse more times than not they entirely miss the point.
The point of submission is not to establish a hierarchy or to have a prescriptive view of what “submission” must mean, especially for women—the point is to continually conform ourselves, as men and women, to the order of love God has in His Heart for us, primarily out of a reverence for Him and one another. Submission doesn’t mean blind obedience, it means bringing our whole selves to participate in God’s expansive love, whether in the context of marriage or not.
That being said—just as Shelby wrote—women can embrace submission in the context of love—especially submission to our Savior Who loves us infinitely—because love is submission’s only true context. Any space where the reality of submission is used as an excuse for domination, control, or abuse is not aligned with the order of love. But in spaces where love is being poured out, we can (and should) bravely open our hearts to receive it.