Made for Love
What do situationships and sexual addiction have in common?
Distortion of good desires, use of another and of oneself, being left with a feeling of emptiness, vulnerable to lies, and a need for boundaries and accountability.
So, quite a few things actually.
The term ‘situationship’ is thrown around a lot these days, so let’s define it. A situationship is essentially a relationship between 2 people who engage in romantic-relationship-type behaviors without fully committing to each other.
Oftentimes one person wants more and the other is fine with the way things are, leaving the souls at an imbalance.
Need more clarity on this? Still not sure what this is? Don’t worry, I’ve got an example.
I met a man a little over a year ago who I thought possessed all the characteristics I desired in a partner: witty, intelligent, funny, committed to the Church and Her teachings, and passionate about pursuing a relationship with the Lord. However, the problem was—despite my belief in him being an “ideal man” for me—he wasn’t very passionate about pursuing me in a committed relationship.
So, what followed was a friendship that very much mimicked a romantic relationship.
A few months after we met, he started calling me a few days a week and we’d talk for hours about anything and everything: wholesome, silly, and God-centered conversations that cultivated intimacy. These calls turned into spending more one-on-one time together, which turned into giving more of ourselves to each other, in ways a man and woman might while dating. For clarification, nothing of a sexual manner was happening here. All of the interactions between us seemed good, wholesome, and honestly a lot of what I was desiring in a relationship.
So why did I feel so used?
Every phone call that involved silly stories and God-centered conversations was paired with a late night that took away from my sleep, and deepened intimacy with no promise or clarity of his intentions.
With every day we spent together there were patterns of flirtation and affection that increased my attraction to him.
For every moment of emotional exchanges, acts of service, and spending time with each other’s families, there were soul ties being formed in a romantic relationship that lacked commitment and honor.
Love is honest and clear, not muddled and one sided. It involves giving and receiving, not taking and grasping.
Sound familiar? Tugging at a heart string? Maybe because you have been or are currently in a relationship like this, or maybe because it pulls at another disordered behavior we’re familiar with.
Pornography pulls at our desires for intimacy, yet presents a distortion of what true intimacy, affection, and love are meant to be.
Instead of beholding the beauty of a woman, it shows the physical and verbal abuse of her.
Instead of honoring the virtue of a man, it exhibits a diminished version of masculinity.
Masturbation can be a means to fulfill an ache—physical or emotional—but it does so by abusing ourselves and retreating inwards, when what we’re really called to do is make a gift of self and receive another as they give themselves. Whether in physical or emotional intimacy, we’re called to this; we’re called to love.
I would argue there is almost always a good desire beneath the temptation to fall into pornography, but the processed, fast food version won’t satisfy. It will fill your body with something, yes, and it could satiate the craving for a time, but it will leave you unsettled and ultimately unsatisfied; the hunger will always come back.
“Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but those who drink of the water that I give them will never be thirsty again.” —John 4:13-14
You were made for wholehearted and committed pursuit.
You were made to be loved by someone who has clarity in how they feel about you and who acts in accord with those feelings.
You were made to pour out and serve and love with your whole self, and receive the same in return. Pornography, masturbation, situationships, food, shopping, or whatever else we give ourselves to in hopes to be filled just don’t cut it.
But God, our beautiful, loving God fulfills this desire. He created us for love so He could fill it.
He wants to give us good things and is always ready to give Himself to you.
He actively pursues you every moment of every day.
He is clear in His feelings for you.
He commits fully to you and promises a rich inheritance.
He will not lie to you.
He will not withhold from you.
He will not take your love for granted.
The love we pour out to Him He receives and magnifies back a bajillionfold. When you think you’ve seen the depths of His love, there is always more to discover, because our small human hearts can’t fathom the absolute abundance He has for us.
That is the love I am made for. And that is the love you are made for.