I’ve Been Made New, and So Can You
It was a summer afternoon in late July, right around my 35th birthday.
The ceiling fan propelled its gentle, predictable breeze. I had just embarked on cognitive behavioral therapy for my healing journey, and a particular aspect of it was on my mind: healing from sexual sin in its different forms.
Could there be something out there?
I remember it well: opening an Internet tab and Googling for such a thing. The word “Catholic” was one of my search keywords, and on the results page I saw a listing for Magdala.
Curious, I clicked on it, and discovered an organization that would soon change my life.
Video playing of a woman circling freely in a summer meadow graced the homepage with the words, “For freedom, you were set free.” I also remember the words, “Tired of hiding? So are we.” I found my way to the sign-up page to join a small group, and was placed on the waitlist for virtual groups.
Fast forward a few months later, my small group begins. I clicked into the Zoom meeting as my heart raced. Voice shaking, I went last on sharing my story. I had never shared my story of struggle with sexual sin in a group setting before, only in Confession and now therapy—private, one-on-one settings.
As I began telling my story on the call, I shared what I was able:
the first time I discovered self pleasure
the years of masturbation that followed
the chapter of watching pornography
the college romance plagued with trust issues, sexual sin, and several heartbreaking layers of betrayal
the mental health mountain and fear of commitment that followed
the healing progress made up until that present moment
I started where I could, and Jesus met me where I was at.
Until this point, I had received about 50% of my freedom from returning to my Catholic faith and being nourished by the grace of the sacraments: in particular, Confession and the Eucharist. In this decade there was much progress, but I knew I needed to go deeper to root out the remainder of compulsive patterns.
You see, for years, especially in college, I was the cafeteria Catholic who felt the importance of going to Mass and attended, but picked and chose which parts of Church teaching I followed.
I didn’t go to Confession. I lived in mortal sin. I had a chapter of drinking, smoking marijuana, and partying. I didn’t yet have a personal relationship with Jesus, let alone comprehend Him being alive today in the Holy Eucharist and the Holy Spirit.
And while these things had changed since coming back to the faith in 2013, I had to start healing from the years of sin and damage that resulted before.
Here are some of the things I did in my Magdala small group to get there:
Each of the 17 sessions peeled away a layer of my struggle through activities, meditations, and discussion questions prompting me to explore the root of my behaviors. These were paired with many “light bulb” moments where the Lord revealed why I was doing the things I did.
One of my assignments was to create a “freedom plan” that identified triggering scenarios, escape routes, and a “30-second timer” during times of temptation.
I was paired with an accountability partner whom I still keep in touch with today.
Flash forward to 2024, I now lead women who are nervous about joining that first Zoom call but are desperate for freedom from unwanted patterns of sexual sin—who found Magdala while searching for help online like I once did.
I witness pain, heartache, breakthroughs, friendships, and vulnerable sharing of stories and desires for the future.
As for me, I have received significant freedom and healing that continues to this day. Triggers that once had a stronghold on me have been relieved. Emotional stress no longer finds an escape in masturbation. I learned I was trying to preserve the memory-associated affection of my college relationship I couldn’t control, and turned that into finally being in control.
Dear sister, you have been found by Jesus.
You found Magdala, yes, but it is Christ who found you at this particular time, because you are ready—the Teacher arrives when the student is ready.
For freedom.
For healing.
For the truth about your identity as a daughter of the King.
For a fresh start you haven’t known for what might be a very long time.
He knows what your heart is seeking. The same heart that has searched for porn on the Internet is now seeking healing and freedom from it. He’s making us new.
If you’re thinking about joining a small group but are afraid of the unknown, I’m here to encourage you. Here are some things you can expect when you join a small group:
You’ll be added to the waitlist and get sorted into a confidential group with other women of similar age and state of life.
You’ll order your workbook, sign some forms, and share the best available time/day you can commit to meeting, usually weekly or twice per month.
You’ll share how you’re doing at the start of each meeting. How you were loved well, how you loved others well, and any setbacks or victories that took place between meetings.
You’ll pray with your group each meeting.
You’ll identify triggers and learn about woundedness, identity, and desire.
You’ll think you’re the only one with this struggle, and then learn you’re not.
You’ll do the work, and the more that you do, the more freedom you’ll find.
You’ll battle doubts, shame, and frustration, but with a community instead of in isolation.
You might cry, everyone will be vulnerable, and it’s all beautiful and part of the process.
By joining this pioneering ministry designed for women just like you, you’ll leave years of isolation and shame behind, and enter a community of hope and healing.
So if you’re tired of hiding, take it from me—a woman who found the courage to join a small group even when it scared her—it’s okay to come out of the darkness and into the light.
The light is where the miracles happen… you’ll see what I mean.
Let yourself be found, and come as you are.
“Welcome, from Heather!”