What Does Real Restoration Look Like?

For many years of my life, I could feel an undercurrent of sexual sin that seemed to be ever present, waiting to pull me down. 

Many times it would pull me down and I’d be drowning completely, unable to tell which way was up. Other times, I’d be fighting the waves, trying to stay above the current, treading water as hard as I could and doing anything to keep my head above the surface. It felt as if I relaxed even the tiniest bit, I would slip right back into the current, and it would whisk me away. 

It is so easy to believe sexual sin is permanent. Our sexualities are permanent, so if we “swim” into the deep end and there’s an undercurrent, how are we supposed to fix what we’ve done? 

Well, I have good news and I have bad news. The bad news first: you can’t fix it, and if you keep trying to fix yourself and your sexuality, chances are you will end up in a worse place than when you started. 

Ouch. Are you ready for the good news? 

Jesus can heal you, and He wants to heal you—desperately. 

Think of Matthew 14:23-33: Jesus never asked Peter to tread water or to swim to Him. In fact, Jesus came to the apostles first, and it was Peter who asked Jesus to walk on the water.

So similarly, we find ourselves in these storms throughout our lives. They beat us down and leave us terrified, but Jesus comes to us in the midst of them echoing the same words He spoke then, “Take heart, it is I; do not be afraid.” 

It’s our choice to step out of the boat, to step away from what’s familiar (oftentimes our own sins), and walk towards Jesus. 

When we fall and are drowning, it’s not our job to suddenly become Olympic swimmers who can glide back to the surface with ease. All Jesus is asking us to do is take His hand; He will pull us to Him, and He will settle the storm. 

But what does this look like? 

It’s so easy to read articles like this, feeling hope and completely lost at the same time. No one person’s story looks the same, but there are some helpful tidbits I’d like to leave you with that have brought me a lot of hope. 

First, Jesus doesn’t need an act of emotion or for our feelings to be “in order” for His work to begin. 

What I mean is, our emotions are unreliable and do not dictate our relationship with God. Yes, our emotions can point to greater truths within our interior life—and our emotions were created good—but it takes an act of the will for God to begin healing us, even if it is the smallest step forward. 

We don’t have to feel like we’re ready for healing or feel like we won’t sin again before God begins to work in our life. It takes a practical step, like going to reconciliation even if we feel afraid, or praying 15 minutes every day even if we don’t feel close to God. As Rachael said on The Magdala Podcast, “If we give God an inch, he’ll take it a mile.” 

Second, Jesus doesn’t want to just take away our sin and pain: He wants to restore our very being, completely. 

The definition of restoration is, “the action of returning something to a former owner, place, or condition.” As the healing journey from sexual addiction begins, you’ll find that sometimes God calls to mind certain memories or wounds that seem irrelevant to what you’re asking Him to do, and the temptation could be to ignore what He’s wanting to do in your life. Don’t be so hyper fixated on how you think God should heal you that you’re unable to receive His true and complete healing! God is too good to heal us “enough;” He will heal us totally and radically, and that means getting down to the very roots of our sins and transforming them into roots of virtue. 

Psalm 23:2-3 says, “...He leads me besides still waters; he restores my soul.” When we are standing right above that nasty undercurrent with waters that are quick to drown us, God in His mercy will offer us a way to “still waters”. Healing may mean giving up pieces of your life that are familiar—and some things He asks you to give up may not be inherently “bad”—but God, in His infinite wisdom, will restore what you give Him. You may not feel like walking away from those familiar places, but this is where that act of the will comes in. 

Finally, it’s important to remember restoration is not linear. As you continue to choose God—to grab His hand amidst the waves—you’ll look back and see you are no longer in the storm at all, and the place you find yourself more closely resembles those still waters He promised.