Part 2 | What the Young Church Can Teach Us About Same-Sex Attraction

*names have been changed for identity protection

Our stories are sacred and deserve to be heard. I have had the insane privilege of walking with holy young women who experience same-sex attraction, and there is so much we can learn from them.

Jess

Jess* was a sophomore in high school when I first met her as a camper. I got to share my testimony  with her small group and she found me later that day and asked “How did you get out of it?” She didn’t share details of what her “it” was but I could tell she was hurting. I’m not sure what subpar answer I gave but I remember pointing her to the sacrament of confession where she received major healing. 

Two years later, Jess was placed in my small group; I remembered her and she remembered me. We became close quickly and she relayed to me her current struggles stemming from anorexia, a past abusive relationship, and a pornography addiction. She knew she could trust me.

Throughout our week together, I got to see Jess love the heck out of the Lord. As soon as a worship song started, her hands were immediately in the air and she was singing as loud as she could. This was a girl who loved Jesus and wanted to be His best friend.

Near the end of the week, there was a time of silent adoration. I sat next to her and gave her a Bible verse to pray with. She very quickly began crying during the time of prayer and I went to check on her. Between gasps and sniffles, she shared about this deep shame she feels taking over her mind. All the other struggles in her life—though extremely difficult—didn’t produce much shame because of how much she had shared those with other people. But this hidden thing she began to reference made her hate herself more than anything else. She couldn’t name what it was, so she handed me a note.

The note was a love letter Jess had written to a girl in her class. She never intended to give it to her but wanted to write down all her feelings to have them in one place. The letter went on to say how this girl lights up a room, how she brings out the best in Jess, and how much she reminds Jess of Jesus. I looked up at Jess after reading this letter and she couldn’t even look at me because of the shame. All I could do was smile at her and tell her how much Jesus loved her. 

“Jess, He’s not mad at you. He’s not condemning you. He's not ashamed of you.”

I made sure to tell her that the fact she could see Jesus in this young woman was a powerful and holy gift. To want to be super close to a woman so free and holy makes sense. What she was feeling made sense.

While I went on affirming the goodness of her desires for almost 10 minutes, I realized there was nothing I could say that would be close to as good as what the Father wanted to say to her. I gave her prompt questions to ask the Lord and just waited. While I don’t remember what truths the Father spoke to her that day, I can remember the time of prayer ended with her ripping up the letter. Because the shame didn’t have a hold on her. She knew she was loved fiercely and intensely. And she knew that was good.

What Can We Learn from Jess?

I think Christians without this experience sometimes think every person who has same-sex attraction is just a lifetime evangelist of the pride flag. But not all our LGBTQ brothers and sisters are proud—they’re hurting. Jess was gasping out for air for someone to tell her she was loved. Jess didn’t need another “Church person” telling her that sin is sin—she already knew that. What she needed was a person to point her back to what Jesus did on Calvary. What she needed was the Father to remind her that she was more than her sin. 

When Jesus said, “It is finished” on the cross, He wasn’t just speaking about His human life. He was talking about death. Death is finished; Sin is done. Shame, fear, anxiety, mental illness, physical suffering, anger, lust, impatience, pride, comparison, laziness—they’re all done. They are finished. He has already won freedom over them; We don’t have to stay there. These things don’t define us.

To all my LGBTQ brothers and sisters, I am sorry for when you have been exclusively identified as this one part of your story. 

You are so much more than your same-sex attraction.