Part 1 | What the Young Church Can Teach Us About Same-Sex Attraction

*names have been changed for identity protection

I have the insane blessing of serving hundreds and hundreds of middle schoolers and high schoolers every week through retreats and camp ministry. They are not the “future of the Church” as many like to label them—they are the Church. And while there is much they are still learning, there is much we can learn from them. 

I want to share encounters I have had with three specific young women who experienced same-sex attraction as an insight into how the Church can better respond to our LGBTQ brothers and sisters.

Christina

Christina* was a sixth-grade camper I had for a weekend retreat. She was one of those kids you liked to hang out with. She could talk to you for hours about anything, preferred to read a nice book instead of joking with her friends, and respectfully followed instructions. When Christina first moved into our cabin, she sat down in bed to read the book she bought: an erotic graphic novel about the love between two high school boys. I was a little taken aback—as you can imagine this is not typical sixth-grade reading material. Instead of just taking the book away, I began to ask her about the book and why she was reading it. She said she enjoyed cartoon-type art and the love the two boys shared. 

Later in the week during an activity round, I asked Christina more about her interests and soon she started telling me about how she loves reading and loves imagining herself in new places. She starts explaining to me how her parents are divorced, how dad is no longer in the picture (for good reason), and how she lives with her mom but is often ignored by her. She tells me how she doesn’t go to Church because her mom feels hated by the Church. She enjoys drawing and doing things alone because it’s just easier that way. 

Christina starts telling me all about her female best friend, who also happens to be in our small group. She reveals to me the crush she has had on her best friend for a while now but is afraid to tell her because of her uncertainty about her best friend’s sexuality. Christina tells me she knows she likes girls because she has such a strong connection to this friend. She tells me about how she and her best friend talk all the time and how this friend is the only secure relationship in her life. 

Christina, a 12-year-old girl, spoke to me with certainty about her sexuality and interests. She didn’t have much security in life to cling to unless it was reading a fictional book or this one good friend. It was easier and more desirable for her to spend her days imagining fictional places than having to navigate how to live happily on her own. She didn’t have a place to call home, but she had a friend to call home. It was this strong and necessary friendship that made her convinced of her sexuality.

What Can We Learn from Christina?

I am not here to psychoanalyze why Christina felt the way she did, nor am I here to make any generalized statements about what “causes someone to be gay.” I am here to share a sacred story of a sacred young girl who is struggling in more areas than one. 

What can we learn from Christina? That the LGBTQ experience is not a black-and-white bubble. That there is not one origin story and that there is more to someone than their “gayness”. As a person who walked with her for a weekend, her strong desire to hang out with her best friend was the least of my concerns. The fact that she had a best friend in her life at all was something to celebrate. More than she felt she was gay, she felt she was alone.

Our LGBTQ brothers and sisters in the Church feel isolated, alone, and misunderstood. They are labeled and treated for just this one area of their life, even though there is so much more to them than their attractions. There is more going on in their life than just their sexual inclinations. 

Christina and I ended our hour-long conversation by making a 3 ft tall, 7 ft wide leaf pile. More than she needed apologetics or advice, she needed a friend. 

Did I tell her about how loved she is by Jesus and how beautiful Church teaching is? Yes. 

Did I convince her to throw all her temptations aside? No. 

But did Jesus heal her heart during that time? Yes. 

Our LGBTQ brothers and sisters need authentic holy friendships; true friendship will bring healing to their souls. Because they are more than just a “problem area” that needs to be fixed; there is more to them than their sexuality. 

Let’s seek to love our brothers and sisters first as friends. Let’s invite them into their true Home and make sure they know they have a place. 

To my LGBTQ brothers and sisters, Jesus died for you so you don’t have to be isolated or alone—He is with you always! You aren’t made to do this alone; you are made for community. 

And you do have a place in the Church.