Purity Rings: The Do’s and Don’ts
I’ve had a purity ring since I was in 8th grade. There have been times I’ve been really proud of it, and others where I’ve wanted to take it off and never look at it again.
We’ve all heard a story about a famous person who wore and then took off their purity ring. For me, this person was Nick Jonas, and all I could think about when it happened was, “Gosh, that’s humiliating.”
Personally, I think this is the wrong approach. The idea that just because you’ve had sex you’re somehow unworthy of pursuing purity. After all, that’s what happened to me.
In college, I started dating someone for the first time, and although I didn’t know it at the time, he was abusive: in little ways, then in bigger ways. After we were physically intimate, I started looking at my purity ring in a completely different way.
I wanted to take it off so many times; I felt the guilt consuming me. Even once I came to terms with what had happened to me, and what continued to happen for two years, I still felt like I was unworthy of wearing something so sacred. Something that represented a promise.
My purity ring started out as an outward symbol of my dedication to saving sex for marriage. But other than the fact that I had been told all my life to save that gift, I didn’t really know why I was wearing it. The ring was purely symbolic and had no sacred tie to something greater. But once I started struggling with purity, and felt the guilt that came from putting it on every morning, I decided that had to change.
One day after a fall, I took off the ring but carried it in my pocket until I got to confession. After saying my penance, I took out the ring, and consecrated it to the Father, vowing that I would wear this ring until He presented me with someone who would take care of my heart, and protect my purity. Because until, and if, God presents me with my future husband, my heart is nothing but His - I am His spouse. So I wear the ring on my left hand to remind myself of that.
Now, I understand that wearing my purity ring on my left-hand ring finger is an unpopular choice. However, it makes sense to me and my personal relationship with Christ. Plus, the ring was sized for that finger, and literally won’t fit on my right hand. So there’s that reason too.
And even though my method may be different than others, I can still pinpoint some significant practices that I think can be extremely helpful when it comes to purity rings and others that are incredibly destructive. Here are my recommendations for the dos and don’ts of purity rings:
Don’t: let your purity ring define you
This is probably the most important pitfall to avoid when wearing, or deciding to get, a purity ring. It’s extremely important to remember that at the end of the day, this thing is just a piece of jewelry. It’s meant to be a symbol, not a virtue. The real virtue comes from committing and fighting for purity in the first place, with or without a ring.
Do: use it as a visual reminder
Especially in the Faith, visual cues can be great tools for our relationship with God. It’s why we have crosses in our homes, and pictures of our loved ones. When my soul isn’t in a state of grace, I take it off, but I feel it in my pocket all day. That way I remember that God is still pursuing my heart, even if I haven’t always pursued Him. And when I put it back on, I feel a rush of joy, just knowing that I’m His. Let your ring be a sign that points towards heaven.
Don’t: wear them for anyone else besides yourself
Don’t let people in your life, although possibly well intentioned, pressure you into getting a purity ring. If you do this for them, then the personal meaning gets lost and leaves cracks for emotions like guilt, regret, and worthlessness. Understand why you’re getting a purity ring before you even enter the store, and make sure it’s strictly about you and our Lord.
Do: consecrate it to the Father
God desires to be a part of our lives more than we could ever comprehend. When we offer up our lives to Him, we invite Him to enact His Will over our own. And especially something that deals with purity - a lifelong commitment and diligent fight - we desperately need Him to take control of. And even better for us, He wants to.
Don’t: let them make you feel inferior
The devil works constantly to separate us from God, and he can work through objects too. This ring shouldn’t make you feel inferior, unworthy, or guilt-ridden. It should make you feel loved, cherished, and adored. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t make mistakes; it’s how we respond afterward that reveals our heart.
Do: let it make you feel loved
I often look down on my ring when praying, and it reminds me that God is always looking out for me and that I am loved regardless of my relationship status. My ring is a constant reminder that I am a bride of the Bridegroom who gave His life for mine and that He is preparing a place for me in His heavenly kingdom. And when I fall, it reminds me that He’s waiting for me in the confessional, always ready to forgive; always ready to restore.
If marriage is the vocation God wills for me, my plan is to melt my ring down and place it in my husband’s wedding band, as a sign that he has taken up the task of protecting my heart. But even if not - even if I live a life never giving my heart to another - I know that the Father is holding it in His hands, and will continue to protect me from harm until we’re fully united in Heaven.
And my purity ring reminds me of that.