Prioritize Chastity, Not Virginity

One of the most painful things we can endure is loss. Loss of a relationship, an opportunity, a life—it hits the core of who we are and reminds us just how little control we have over our lives. Whether the loss comes from a choice we made or something completely out of our control, we experience the same emptiness: as if we’re missing a part of ourselves.

But life goes on past loss. The Earth keeps spinning, time keeps running, the days pass and we do our best to move on. But—depending on what we’ve lost—the journey back to normalcy can be a long road, especially if we’ve lost something we’ve tied ourselves to.

I don’t know about you, but my entire sex education was summed up into one objective: make sure you’re a virgin when you get married. It was all that was talked about. No one talked about porn or masturbation or the temptations that would rise when you were in a committed relationship with someone you loved. We were given an objective with no practical wisdom or resources on how to achieve it. And worse yet, it was so emphasized that it made the alternative—not being a virgin—unthinkable.

This is exactly how I felt when my virginity was taken from me. I felt I had lost my entire self-worth; I mean, who was I if I was no longer the one thing I was always taught to be? 

I felt the loss as if I had abandoned the very essence of myself, and it took me a long time to realize I had only lost one thing—a title.

All my life I was taught one thing not to do, with no concrete reason why. No one ever told me what I should do if that one thing happened. And I desperately—desperately—needed that guidance. I needed to know that it’s not about virginity, it’s about chastity.

You see, the difference between virginity and chastity is that virginity is temporary, but chastity spans throughout our entire lives. Virginity is just a title you have for a certain part of your life (even if that equates to the entirety of it through religious life or a young death). Chastity, however, is a goal—something you strive to live out every day for the rest of your life. 

Chastity is a virtue, and virginity is not.

Chastity is what keeps me away from porn.

Chastity is what guides how I conduct myself around men.

Chastity is what reveals the guidelines for intimacy within my relationships.

Chastity is what wakes me up every morning and reminds me I am still a daughter of God, capable of loving and worthy of being loved.

It’s not about being a virgin, it’s about living a chaste life. After all, if virginity was the end-all-be-all, we wouldn’t have sex within marriage. Is a married woman somehow less holy because she’s not a virgin anymore? Is the bond between her and her husband less sacred than their wedding night just because they’ve had sex before? 

Just as chastity dictates our lives as single people, it also dictates our lives as married and consecrated women. A virgin and a married woman aren’t seen differently in the eyes of God. A virgin and a survivor of sexual abuse don’t differ in their worth. 

We are all daughters of God, regardless of our past losses, or our future ones. Don’t let virginity dictate your dignity. Instead, let chastity guide you into the arms of Love Himself, Who heals all losses and redeems all things.