Not Alone: Helping Others Feel Seen in a Private Battle

“It is not good for the man to be alone.” - Genesis 2:18

I’ve always been the independent type. I like to get things done on my own time and in my own way. For a while this came from a place of distrust - I didn’t believe someone else could do it as well as me. Sometimes this independence was a way to prove to myself and others that I could do it. I lived a lot of my life believing I didn’t need anyone - that I was better off alone.

A lot of my recovery from sexual addiction was a reflection of this belief. Only 1 or 2 people knew, and I would barely talk to them about it. I’d done harder things on my own (or so I thought). Why would I have to invite someone else into my journey? 

Wouldn’t they just slow me down? 

Wouldn’t they just make me feel worse about myself? 

They would never even understand…

These were the lies I believed - the lies that kept me isolated, kept me in the dark, kept me relapsing.

This past summer, I had the opportunity of serving at a Catholic summer camp, ministering to thousands of middle school and high school kids. Upon a few occasions, I felt prompted by the Holy Spirit to share my testimony with the small group of high school girls I got to journey with. The first week in particular I was prompted to do so, I remember feeling extremely nervous. This was unlike me, having shared my story numerous times before. It was almost as if someone against me didn’t want it shared.

My second day with these girls, I shared my story, and I mean all of it: eating disorders, sexual impurity, nude photos, pornography, same-sex attraction, suicidal ideations. It was all out in the open, to a group of high school girls I had just met. They thanked me after for sharing and not much else came from it. I thought to myself, “Maybe that’s all the Holy Spirit had in mind.”

Man was I wrong.

My third day there, while the girls were in a time of adoration, one of my girls came outside to find me. She was crying and could barely speak, but mustered up the words to ask if we could talk. We found a place outside to sit down and her heart broke open. After about 10 minutes of her crying, unable to say a word, she finally spoke up, “Annie, I have the same problem.” After embracing her, I asked her to say the word to gain more power over it. She took a few deep breaths and then through her tears, she finally spoke, “Pornography. I struggle with pornography and masturbation.” 

We sat there for a while as she recounted how she first found it, not even knowing what it was, and before she could stop, she was drowning and couldn’t  get away.

Over the course of the week, 6 of the 9 girls in my small group came up to me at different points recounting a similar story. These girls, most of which had never told another soul until that week, had the opportunity to say: “Me too. That’s me.” That week we got to pray for addictions to break in the name of Jesus, we got to talk through a battle plan going forward, and we were able to rejoice and cry at the fact that someone else understood - that someone else saw us. That we’re not alone.

Over the summer, I was re-convicted of the power of “me too.” The power of being seen and seeing someone who understands. Week after week, I got to see these young women leave camp more free than they’ve ever been. Not because the struggle was gone, but because they allowed themselves to be seen in the struggle. Because they knew they were not alone. 

To the woman reading this who has struggled with pornography, masturbation, lustful thoughts, sexual daydreaming, and any other disordered desire - in case you’ve never heard it before - me too. 

I’ve been there. I know it and I know it well. 

You aren’t crazy. 

You aren’t dirty. 

You aren’t the only one. And you don’t have to do this alone.

Let this post be an encouragement to seek a small group, find community, share your story, and bring to light what has been held in darkness. Experience the power of saying “me too.” Don’t let the enemy make you think for one second that you were made to do this alone. You were never made for darkness. You are made for the light.

“For all things become visible when they are exposed to light, for everything that becomes visible is light” - Ephesians 5:13