Battling Wounds of Rejection
Much of the reality we perceive comes from the wounds we’ve received.
Although that sounds like something that would come from a deep, philosophical, Dr. Seuss knockoff book, there’s a deep truth in our perspective being shaped by how we’ve been wounded. Depending on the context you grew up in, the word “wound” could have many meanings for you. To some, “wound” refers to physical pain, like me being wounded on my 14u softball team when a teammate punched me for making a bad throw. But wounds can also refer to emotional pain, such as my heart being wounded when my teammate took out her aggression on me. Sometimes in over-spiritualized circles, wounds can become these big mystical pitfalls that keep you away from God, causing us to be afraid of calling attention to them.
I propose a different way for us to look at our wounds: in the light.
My struggles with porn and masturbation were a result of keeping my wounds in the dark. Often when we don’t know how to deal with the pain, we quickly seek a painkiller instead of identifying the root cause. It was only when I looked at that pain in the light that I was able to identify the wound: R E J E C T I O N.
Many of us have wounds of rejection: times we didn’t make the team, weren’t offered the job, or were forgotten about. No matter how good my grades were or how many followers I had, there were still people who discarded me. I’ve put my heart on the line, apologizing to friends for years of hurt, only to be told I could never be forgiven. I’ve been cheated on and dumped for not wanting to have sex before marriage. I’ve been passed up for captain, not started games, and rode the bench. And even knowing that my sinful actions have caused many of these outcomes, they still hurt. They still created wounds. And the source of all of them is rejection.
When I was rejected by the world - my friends, some boy, some team - there was always a world of temporary pleasure I thought could make the pain go away. Pornography and masturbation were my painkillers, and rejection was my disease. I was prolonging the symptoms of heartbreak and hurt, instead of battling the root cause. And for years I kept my wounds hidden in the dark with my secret addiction. Without any light, my wounds seemed too big to fight, so I would settle for a screen I knew would never reject me.
The truth is, pornography was not the answer to my rejection, it was just another culprit. I turned to pornography thinking that it wouldn’t reject me, yet every time I would end up more hurt than when I started. The nature of pornography is not acceptance, it’s use. It altered my perspective to think I was only meant to be used. Pornography was a thief in my life, stealing my time, my self-image, my energy, and my self-worth.
One of my favorite writers and speakers, Brene Brown, who has spent 20+ years researching the power of vulnerability, says, “shame derives its power from being in the dark.” In other words, we can only see our wounds clearly when we allow them into the light. Every time the Lord has gently brought one of my many wounds to light, I can see it’s not that scary. Does it affect how I function and communicate with others? Yes. But does it have power over me? No. God is more powerful than any wound I have, and bringing them to the light allows us to see them as God sees them: manageable.
To every lie that the enemy offers us in an effort to “steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10), the Lord offers us a truth: the truth of life-giving, world-changing, sacrificial love.
I believed that my nature was one of use; that I was made to be thrown away, discarded, and rejected. That’s what the wounds in my life told me. That’s what pornography told me.
But we have a Father whose nature is to stay. He has not, and will not reject us. He doesn’t throw us away, He doesn’t forget us. He accepts us with open arms, welcomes us home, and calls us closer to Him each day.
And if that’s God’s nature, then it’s also our identity.
Our identity is one of acceptance, embrace, and intimacy. Lies, wounds, and feelings of rejection can cause us to search for acceptance in all sorts of painkillers, but only the Father can offer sustainable treatment to these diseases, and it’s found in His sacrificial love for us.
Regardless of what’s causing your wounds, any left in the dark will only be covered by shame. When we are able to identify our wounds and welcome them into the light, we are giving God the opportunity to declare truth over them. Any lie the enemy has convinced you of, the Father has a truth for.
A wound in the light is manageable.
As we armor up for another day of battle, know the Lord is fighting beside you. A good Captain never leaves His soldiers. A good Dad never forgets His daughter. A good Bridegroom never rejects His bride.
“For it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6